Lone

Have you ever felt that feeling that even though you're surrounded with bunch of friends and still feel alone? People always thought you're happy because you make them laugh, you're all smiles and never put a frown. I never felt this alone in my life. I wanted to share it with someone else but I know that their busy and probably wouldn't care. I always kept my true feelings with myself. My anger, my sadness, loneliness and more but I never share it with someone thinking that it'll make them bored and not worth their time and I don't want them to waste time just to listen to me. Ending my life brushed in my thoughts a couple times, but I never actually do it. I can't, I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt. I'm emotionally hurt, I don't want to hurt myself further. In the past years that I felt alone, my only friend is google. I know it's kind of a loner thing but it helped me. People on the net are kind, sweet and comforting. They will help you to lift your mood, your spirit and have an optimistic view of life. Things have changed now. I never go to google to help me. Now, I reach to God. I seek him in everything that I will do. I thanked Him for everything. I seek and thanked Him whenever i'm sad, happy, alone, etc.. because I know that he's there for me. Lately, my everyday life is starting to get dark. I feel alone again. I feel that everyone left me. That one person that I used to share everything is missing. I don't even feel Him anymore. I feel that everyone turned their backs at me. Where are You when I need You the most? I feel so vulnerable, alone, lost and confused in this world. I need Your presence. Where are You? Please come back. I need You. I don't know what to do anymore. Help me......

these are the thoughts I have in my mind last September 03, 2014